8 scales for cross-cultural understanding:
"When I see dishes in the sink for three days (observation), I feel frustrated (feeling) because I need order in shared spaces (need). Would you be willing to wash your dishes within 24 hours? (request)"
Placeholder section - add your own notes about the Korem Profiling System here.
Every interaction is a status transaction. Status isn't about social rank—it's about what you do moment-to-moment. You can be a CEO playing low status or a janitor playing high.
Those who raise and lower status at will are masters of social dynamics. Match status for rapport. Mismatch intentionally to shift power.
The foundational improv rule. Accept what's offered and build on it. Blocking ("No, but...") kills scenes and conversations.
In improv and life: if you focus on making others shine, the whole scene elevates. Status isn't zero-sum.
Structured intimacy-building questions in three sets of increasing depth. Key: reciprocal vulnerability.
State the strongest version of the other's argument before responding. Shows respect, builds trust, improves your counter.
High status: still, slow, takes space, holds gaze. Low status: fidgets, quick, small, breaks gaze. Matching creates rapport; intentional mismatch shifts power.
Deeper levels = stronger connection. Go one level deeper to advance relationship.
"Whatever emotion you're trying to avoid, you're inviting into your life in exactly the way you're trying to avoid it."
Welcome emotions like a kid finding a turtle—not to fix, just to understand. The inner critic isn't eliminated; you change your relationship with it: "I see you're scared, but I've got this."
When stuck, cycle through V-I-E-W asking which one is missing. Ask "how" and "what" questions, not "why."
A 7-question paradigm to dismantle limiting thoughts. Most thoughts we believe aren't actually true—they won't hold up to simple examination.
All emotional states are created by 3 forces. Change any one to shift your state.
When in a bad state, diagnose all three: What's my body doing? What am I focused on? What story am I telling myself? Then shift one or all.
Core premise: You're not one unified self — you have parts, each with their own logic, age, and fear. Underneath them all is a calm, undamaged Self that is never damaged by what happened to you.
Self is not a part — it's your capacity to be with all parts with the 8 Cs: Calmness, Curiosity, Clarity, Compassion, Confidence, Creativity, Courage, Connectedness.
The goal is not to eliminate parts. It's to lead from Self so parts can finally relax — they've been working overtime.
"I am anxious" = blended (the part IS you). "A part of me feels anxious" = unblended (Self present, observing). Unblending alone is where most of the practical value lives — it creates a gap between stimulus and response.
>90% of childhood trauma survivors no longer met PTSD criteria after 16 IFS sessions (Tansey, 2021). Statistically significant depression reduction across multiple pilot RCTs.
Based on Dan Siegel's Window of Tolerance (1999) — not polyvagal theory. The core mechanism: your nervous system has a bandwidth within which your prefrontal cortex is fully online. Outside that window, clear thinking, real choice, and genuine connection become unavailable.
Never evaluate yourself, make relationship decisions, or have hard conversations from outside the window. Identify your state first. Regulate. Then respond.
Everyone has all 6 needs but prioritizes them differently. The top 2 needs drive almost everything a person does. First 4 shape personality; Growth + Contribution shape the soul.