Frameworks for Reference
Enneagram
1 - Reformer: Motivated by being right/improving. Fear: being corrupt. Tip: Acknowledge their standards, avoid criticism of their integrity.
2 - Helper: Motivated by being needed/loved. Fear: being unwanted. Tip: Express appreciation, ask about their needs too.
3 - Achiever: Motivated by success/admiration. Fear: being worthless. Tip: Recognize achievements, be efficient in communication.
4 - Individualist: Motivated by uniqueness/depth. Fear: having no identity. Tip: Validate emotions, appreciate their creativity.
5 - Investigator: Motivated by knowledge/competence. Fear: being useless. Tip: Give space, respect their expertise, don't overwhelm.
6 - Loyalist: Motivated by security/support. Fear: being without guidance. Tip: Be consistent, address concerns directly, build trust slowly.
7 - Enthusiast: Motivated by freedom/happiness. Fear: being trapped in pain. Tip: Keep it positive, allow flexibility, engage their ideas.
8 - Challenger: Motivated by control/protection. Fear: being harmed/controlled. Tip: Be direct, don't be intimidated, show strength.
9 - Peacemaker: Motivated by harmony/stability. Fear: conflict/separation. Tip: Be patient, don't pressure, make them feel heard.
Erin Meyer's Culture Map

8 scales for cross-cultural understanding:

Low-context Communicating High-context
Direct negative Evaluating Indirect negative
Principles-first Persuading Applications-first
Egalitarian Leading Hierarchical
Consensual Deciding Top-down
Task-based Trusting Relationship-based
Confrontational Disagreeing Avoids confrontation
Linear-time Scheduling Flexible-time
Transactional Analysis

Ego States

Parent: Nurturing ("Let me help you") or Critical ("You should..."). Identified by: judgmental language, rules, shoulds/musts.
Adult: Rational, present-focused, data-driven. Identified by: questions, factual statements, problem-solving.
Child: Free (playful, creative) or Adapted (compliant/rebellious). Identified by: emotions, wants, spontaneity.

How to Shift

  • To invite Adult: Ask open questions, present facts
  • To exit Parent: Notice judgmental language, pause
  • To exit Child: Name the emotion, then analyze
  • Crossed transactions cause conflict—match or redirect
Johari Window

Four Quadrants

Open (Arena): Known to self & others. Goal: Expand this area.
Blind Spot: Unknown to self, known to others. Reduce by: seeking feedback.
Hidden (Façade): Known to self, hidden from others. Reduce by: appropriate self-disclosure.
Unknown: Unknown to both. Discovered through: new experiences, reflection.

Questions to Expand Open Area

  • "What do you notice about how I come across?"
  • "What patterns do you see in my behavior?"
  • "What's something I might not realize about myself?"
NVC (Nonviolent Communication)

Four Components

1. Observation: What happened? (No judgment) "When I see/hear..."
2. Feeling: How do I feel? (Not thoughts) "I feel..."
3. Need: What need is connected? "Because I need..."
4. Request: Specific, actionable ask "Would you be willing to...?"

Example

"When I see dishes in the sink for three days (observation), I feel frustrated (feeling) because I need order in shared spaces (need). Would you be willing to wash your dishes within 24 hours? (request)"

Korem Profiling

Placeholder section - add your own notes about the Korem Profiling System here.

Key Concepts

  • Add your notes...
Improv & Status (Johnstone)

Core Principle

Every interaction is a status transaction. Status isn't about social rank—it's about what you do moment-to-moment. You can be a CEO playing low status or a janitor playing high.

High Status Signals

  • Space: Takes up room, expansive posture, still
  • Eyes: Holds gaze, slow blink, looks away last
  • Speech: Slow, deliberate, pauses before responding, declarative
  • Movement: Minimal, controlled, no fidgeting
  • Conversation: Interrupts, controls topics, makes statements

Low Status Signals

  • Space: Shrinks, closes posture, moves aside
  • Eyes: Breaks gaze first, looks down, rapid blinking
  • Speech: Fast, trails off, hedging ("maybe", "just", "sorry")
  • Movement: Fidgets, touches face/hair, restless
  • Conversation: Yields when interrupted, asks permission, over-explains

Status Mastery

Those who raise and lower status at will are masters of social dynamics. Match status for rapport. Mismatch intentionally to shift power.

Yes, And...

The foundational improv rule. Accept what's offered and build on it. Blocking ("No, but...") kills scenes and conversations.

  • Offer: Anything that advances the interaction
  • Block: Refusing, negating, or ignoring an offer
  • Wimping: Accepting but not adding anything

Make Your Partner Look Good

In improv and life: if you focus on making others shine, the whole scene elevates. Status isn't zero-sum.

Tactics & Techniques

36 Questions (Aron)

Structured intimacy-building questions in three sets of increasing depth. Key: reciprocal vulnerability.

Steel Manning

State the strongest version of the other's argument before responding. Shows respect, builds trust, improves your counter.

Socratic Questions

  • Clarifying: "What do you mean by...?"
  • Probing assumptions: "What are you assuming?"
  • Probing reasons: "How do you know?"
  • Questioning viewpoints: "What would X say?"
  • Probing implications: "What follows from that?"
  • Meta: "Why is this question important?"

Status Dynamics

High status: still, slow, takes space, holds gaze. Low status: fidgets, quick, small, breaks gaze. Matching creates rapport; intentional mismatch shifts power.

Conversation Levels

  • Level 1: Clichés ("Nice weather")
  • Level 2: Facts ("I work in marketing")
  • Level 3: Opinions ("I think...")
  • Level 4: Feelings ("I feel...")
  • Level 5: Needs/Values ("I need...")

Deeper levels = stronger connection. Go one level deeper to advance relationship.

VIEW (Joe Hudson)

"Whatever emotion you're trying to avoid, you're inviting into your life in exactly the way you're trying to avoid it."

Welcome emotions like a kid finding a turtle—not to fix, just to understand. The inner critic isn't eliminated; you change your relationship with it: "I see you're scared, but I've got this."

The Four Components

V - Vulnerability: Speak your truth even when it's scary. Being authentically yourself despite fear. Check: Am I hiding something? Being defensive?
I - Impartiality: Not attached to a specific outcome. Not trying to fix or control. Taking as starting point that you (or the other person) is already perfect. Check: Do I have a hidden agenda?
E - Empathy: Being with yourself in your emotions without losing yourself. Standing beside, not absorbing. Keeping yourself company. Check: Am I disconnected from the feeling?
W - Wonder: Curiosity with awe. Living in questions without needing answers. Like a kid finding a turtle for the first time. Check: Am I needing answers? Or can I stay in the question?

The Practice

When stuck, cycle through V-I-E-W asking which one is missing. Ask "how" and "what" questions, not "why."

Excuses Begone (Wayne Dyer)

A 7-question paradigm to dismantle limiting thoughts. Most thoughts we believe aren't actually true—they won't hold up to simple examination.

The 7 Questions

1. Is it true? Can you be 100% certain this thought is true?
2. Where did it come from? Usually cultural conditioning, childhood messages, things you heard growing up.
3. What's the payoff? What do you get from holding onto this excuse?
4. What if the opposite were true? Just as much chance it's true as your current thought.
5. What if you couldn't think this thought? How would you feel? What would change?
6. What's a rational reason to change? Find real, personal motivation.
7. What empowering thought can replace it? Think thoughts that work for you, not against you.
Triad (Tony Robbins)

All emotional states are created by 3 forces. Change any one to shift your state.

The Three Forces

Physiology: How you use your body—breathing, posture, facial expression, movement.
Negative: Making yourself smaller (slumped, shallow breathing, still)
Positive: Making yourself bigger (tall, chest out, deep breaths, moving)
Focus: Where you direct your attention.
Negative: Threats → anxiety. What's wrong → distress. What you lack → dissatisfaction.
Positive: Opportunities → excitement. What's right → contentment. What you have → gratitude.
Language/Meaning: Words you use with yourself. The meaning you assign.
Negative: "I can't." "It's impossible." "I wasted all that time."
Positive: "I can handle this." "What can I learn?" "That was preparation."

The Practice

When in a bad state, diagnose all three: What's my body doing? What am I focused on? What story am I telling myself? Then shift one or all.